Soukyuu - Under the azure sky...

.:: One of these days ::.

2012-02-11T23:04:00.002-06:00

What would you do if I could have you?
Oh, if I could,
I'd let you feel everything I'm thinking,
Wouldn't that be nice?
One of these days,
I won't be afraid of staying with you...

::. How Love should be .::

2012-01-25T09:32:00.002-06:00

We only knew the right way to love after we lost someone who really was worth all our love...

I know it...

Now she knows it...

And I wish you don't have to go through all our loses for YOU to know it...

:.~Head Over Heels~.:

2011-12-25T20:26:00.004-06:00

It's a feeling that only I know, when I lift my feet off of the ground to do my signature acrobatic moves. It's almost confusing, that sensation of soaring through the air, head over heels, until it's difficult to tell the sky from the earth and which way I'm actually falling. It's like touching the moon with my toes, just before gravity takes control and brings me back down to the ground again.

This feeling is kinda like that...

.::Flower::.

2011-11-24T11:55:00.002-06:00

Yes, I just noticed. In the afternoon sun I am still here, sleeping,

wondering why the scenarios in my head aren't going as planned,
but...

Because I can't see you today, I'll just lie in my bed, eyes closed,
and until tomorrow, and the day after that, I'll just watch you in my dreams.

I want to sway with your smile forever,

flowering as strong as the sun.

My heart hurts, it hurts because it's about to break,

if these wishes never come true, at least let me wither away.

I can't even laugh anymore, you say the same words even in my dreams,

Out there, I wonder what the real you is doing.

Clutching a birdcage, in a long, distant yesterday,

I walked around, searching for you.

Even if beautiful winds tempt me away,

I'm still desperately searching for you.

The sky is so blue, it looks like it's about to fall down,

and as I look up, it wraps itself around me.

Like a flower...Flowers bloom in sunlight, and I live close to you.

I'll send countless seeds onto that hill

and I'll cover it with beautiful flowers just for you.

Please find me, find me quickly, because I'll always be here,

I'm still just waiting to be woken up.

I want to sway with your smile forever,
flowering as strong as the sun.
My heart hurts, it hurts because it's about to break,
if these wishes never come true, at least let me wither away...

:.: Ice Breaker (piece):.: Selfishness

2011-11-01T11:38:00.000-06:00

"I've been selfish.

I've only been thinking about what I want. I want to be with him… I want him to give me everything… What about wanting him to be happy? I want that, too. As I said before, I wish him all the happiness in the world. I told him he could have that if he found someone else, but the truth is, I can't stand the thought. When I went over to his house on Sunday, and asked him why he was acting like he didn't love me (or at least like nothing had ever happened), in all honesty I wanted him to say it again, even though I told myself I didn't. I could listen to that sound forever. "I love you… No, I adore you…"

I've been such a hypocrite. I've been saying all this time that I want him to be happy, but I've been too scared to do anything about it. That's the problem with a lot of people, isn't it? They complain about what's wrong with the world, but they don't actually do anything about it themselves when they're the ones who could.

'I could make him happy. He doesn't have to be alone anymore.'

He has me now.

And someone needs to tell him that when he wakes up... "

(Ice Breaker: One Final Step)

....

I don't know what to say about this piece, just that it is true and I wish I wasn't the only one... :)

.:: don't know how to call this x3 :::.

2011-08-12T08:27:00.002-06:00

"Amar con inteligencia" no es amar mal como creen.

Que los sentimientos y la razón no pueden convivir, es mentira,

es solo saber como hacerlo sin que uno o lo otro te impida vivir al máximo, o te haga dañar a alguien.

"Amar con inteligencia" no es algo imposible e incorrecto como muchos creen.

Se trata de amar con todo tu corazón y con todas tus fuerzas sin condición y entregarte de verdad,

pero...

sin olvidar que tú tambien mereces ser amad@ de la misma forma, aceptad@, respetad@, y por supuesto ser feliz.

.:: Of Hearts and Airplanes ::.

2011-08-04T18:37:00.006-06:00

Why do I feel this way?

It's not like things would be different from what they've been lately if he stayed.

So, what is this feeling?

is it worry? is it sadness? what is it?

I'm just crazy, stupid, crazy

Why do i feel this way??

Thinking about how it maybe would be worst if he stayed doesn't make it any better.

What is this feeling?

Surely he doesn't even feel a thing. He doesn't feel the least of this. He's proved it. He doesn't want me around. Doesn't care.

Then why do I feel??

Why can't I just close my eyes?

I guess I'm scared.

I guess I love him and that's it.

And he doesn't, and that's it.

Maybe I'm afraid...

Maybe he isn't boarding that plane just to leave on vacations for a few days.

Maybe he is boarding that plane to leave my heart and my world forever once and for all... like a place he can't stand being at anymore...

And I really, really wanted him here, I wanted to make him feel at home, and I love him like people has forgotten how to love... with all my being.

But I guess that was, and still is, not enough

~:: Destruction ::~

2011-07-14T21:31:00.007-06:00

Que hago con toda la rabia que llevo dentro?

con toda la tristeza y decepcion?

Que hago con ellas?

Dime, porque ahogarme en ellas definitivamente esta destruyendome...

y el no siente nada...

y si digo lo que siento pierdo peor...

no hay nada mas que quisiera que llenarme de una sonrisa,

sentirme libre y en paz, feliz por las maravillas que me rodean...

pero como podria ser verdaderamente feliz con tanto escondido adentro que no puedo gritar?

si cada vez que trago uno de esos sentimientos otro trozo de mi corazón se quiebra

y sigo reprimiendolos porque ya no quiero perder nada mas,

...no quiero perderte...

aunque existe la posibilidad de que jamás hayas sido verdaderamente mio...

~::Heartly Smile::~

2011-07-09T22:54:00.000-06:00

Everytime I think of being with you again and kissing your cheek sweetly,

my heart wants to smile, even if just a little bit :)

~:: The Silver Shining (There is nothing I want...) ::~

2011-07-07T20:42:00.001-06:00

There is nothing I want more than staying with you

forever...

drown in your scent and sweet warmth,

that you love me and love you back

with the same intensity of the sun,

hold you in an eternal embrace,

talk to you through my kiss, words are useless,

never, ever abandon you and your innocent, sublime heart,

caress every part of you so softly like the beautiful rose you really are,

swim in your eyes like the stars I only see in my sky,

dance at the sound of your laugh,

surrender my soul and my body only to you,

turning eternity into our very own reality...

There is nothing I want more than staying with you

forever...

...

~::Chance::~

2011-07-05T21:18:00.001-06:00

In the night a star will guide me,

please walk me home

'cause I'm tired of traveling like a foreigner.

All that's good in me will keep me alive,

only Your hand can heal me right now,

touch my heart, take it and kiss it good-night.

Send me the moon to sing a lullaby to me,

have the clouds fog my eyes and don't let me see anymore,

I don't need to see, all I need is fall in Your grace.

Like the day I dreamt of You,

hold me and whisper "You are never alone"

Wash my doubts away and give me Your peace...

Let me fall in sweet oblivion,

Let me fall in Your sweet rest...

.....

~::Innocence::~

2011-07-04T18:19:00.002-06:00

So much brooken innocence,

sometimes I cry just for my own heartbreak,

but sometimes I cry for how horrible humans have made the world,

why do we hurt each other? why do we play with people's hearts?

why is the world so cruel on everybody?

because no matter who you are, everyone deserves to be surrounded by light and true love,

and no matter who they are, no one deserves to have their hearts broken by anyone...

especially by the one who's heart we would never dare to even scratch...

♥

~:: Kiseki ::~

2011-07-03T21:03:00.002-06:00

Aunque intentes mancharlos, veo belleza en tus ojos,

veo inocencia atrapada y dolor que aun sangra,

sangre que forma una armadura que colocas alrededor de tu corazón,

pero veo a través de ella algo mas hermoso que un diamante.

Quiero tocarlo, quiero abrazarlo,

pero las espinas rasgaron mi piel y llegaron hasta mis huesos,

aún asi, aunque doliera no quise separarme,

atraviesan mi cuerpo y lo llenan de pena,

pero más siento la calidez que yace escondida en tu interior.

Deseo mas que nada estrecharte y borrar esas memorias,

memorias de ambos, que ya no queremos mas,

dejar que me ahogue en tus suspiros y tu esencia,

que remuevas ese velo oscuro que nubla los ojos de tu corazón

y me veas ahora, que veas en mi interior

que veas tu propio interior y sientas en tu alma tu belleza.

Yo no queria, pero me atreví a caer,

nunca lo quise, en lo profundo de mi mente lo sabía.

Ahora me pierdo en la sonrisa de una fotografía.

Pero deseo mas que nada que desbordes de alegría,

que olvides y ni siquiera lo hables más si asi debe ser,

que lluevan estrellas en tu cielo y se desborde el mar en caricias,

que amor sea lo que nunca te haga falta

un poema sobre tu almohada cada mañana

y una hermosa rosa durmiente a tu lado cada noche.

Me ahogo en mi egoismo, porque mi verdadero deseo ya lo he matado con mi propia mentira.

Siempre quedará la ciudad en espera de un milagro...

~.:: Poem ::.~

2011-06-24T11:38:00.004-06:00

... A veces llego a pensar que todo debe ser un sueño, y si lo es pues que lo sea, preferiría vivir solo de sueños a vivir sin nada de esto, sin esas palabras que suenan como una melodía, sin esos ojos que podrían opacar al mismo sol, sin esas hermosas sonrisas que iluminan aún los días más grises. Y hago un juramente en silencio… protegeré esa sonrisa aún con la mía propia, incluso con mi vida…

En sus ojos estaba esa mirada, esa que detiene el tiempo y hacía que mi corazón latiera más rápido y lento al mismo tiempo

-"Eres mío y yo soy tuya, ¿verdad?"...

Algo tan vano como una carta con un poema podía esperar. Algo tan pasajero como las palabras podía ser omitido.

Pues no había nada más importante que este sentimiento. Esa devoción a alguien tan similar y al mismo tiempo tan diferente.

Mientras tanto, el mundo seguía girando, las personas seguían viviendo a su manera. Pero el tiempo para nosotros se había detenido y convertido en eternidad. Como cuando nuestras almas habían chocado y ardido juntas cuando se vieron por primera vez, talvez no de la forma en que lo hacen ahora, pero de ahí comenzó esa historia.

Eso si era poesía…

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

by BK7... (formerly "AnK")

Te amo tanto...

.::Ice Breaker::.

2011-05-31T13:35:00.004-06:00

"I just kept going, that's all. Every day, it hurts a little less, until it doesn't hurt any more."

I will believe those words. Even if it doesn't feel like that tonight, when I am trying my best not to cry, when the world outside the window is dark and cold, when I sit here by myself in a bed that feels painfully big and empty…

Even now, I will believe that tomorrow, the ache inside of me that is that person who completely broke my heart will hurt a little less. And I will believe that the day after tomorrow, it will hurt just a little less than that. And I will believe that every day from then on, it will hurt less and less…

Until it doesn't hurt any more...

How I love you.

Sincerely

.::Even if tomorrow breaks::.

2011-05-09T17:53:00.002-06:00

"Call my name,"

That voice of someone calling

The deep sadness of the darkness

Your pale skin fills me with light

Without knowing if it's black or white

I wonder if this type of love is old-fashioned?

For the entire day

We just waited for the sunrise

Even if you could shatter tomorrow

I won't run from this place

Looking at your smile

cures the fatigue of my body

Lonely heart,

Feelings beyond my control

It's like a wide hole has opened

Unable to control myself, I became angry at something

"I can't forget that love"

That's what you had said when we first met,

Your face hides your true intentions

Is there any redemption for me?

Even if you could shatter tomorrow

I guess that I'd still keep wandering

Loving you, I discovered for the first time,

That fear of losing.

Even if I could shatter tomorrow

Even if I should lose my sight

I want to start walking

In those times, when we were at peace

It's the illusion of you...

::.Still.::

2011-04-19T22:44:00.002-06:00

...y aun asi me he visto obligada a ocultar todo, guardar todo y ahogarme en un mar derramado de un vaso... pero asi será, para siempre quizás.

.::Loving Senses ::.

2011-01-09T14:02:00.002-06:00

Un susurro tibio y gentil, es lo que mis oidos necesitan para volverse sordos a tristes palabras.

El fresco aroma de tu abrazo, es lo que necesito oler para no respirar soledad.

Una sonrisa tierna y genuina, es lo que mis ojos necesitan ver para cerrarse a la desconfianza.

Una caricia cálida y sin malicia, es lo que mi piel necesita para entumecerse a la falta de ellas.

Un beso suave y profundo, es lo mi boca necesita para dejar de saborear amarguras.

Que enamores mis sentidos, es lo que mi mente necesita para olvidar y dejar de pensar que no te tengo.

··Veneno··

2010-10-14T18:02:00.004-06:00

Cuenta una leyenda, que hace mucho tiempo existió un ángel blanco en los cielos que amaba tanto la vida y odiaba tanto la guerra, que a pesar de ser de una raza guerrera, traicionó a los suyos.

Robó algo muy importante para su arcángel superior y huyó. Pero, en su descuido, en vez de caer en la Tierra cayó al Infierno.

Allí, entre la oscuridad y las llamas, conoció a un ángel negro. De alguna forma, el demonio terminó ayudándole a regresar al cielo, lo cual él otro agradeció eterna y profundamente. Una vez a salvo, el ángel se dio cuenta de algo.

Eran diferentes, demasiado.

Y sin embargo, no quería despedirse… quería estar a su lado.

Así que le invitó a huir juntos a la Tierra, los perseguirían, sí, pero podrían salir adelante juntos. Ambos querían estar juntos.

Cuenta la leyenda, que el Infierno y el Cielo eran tan lejanos y creados para mantener una barrera entre los dos. Finalmente y de igual manera, los dos ángeles fueron separados, porque era imposible su unión.

Eran distintos y pertenecían a lugares distintos. Debían de odiarse.

Los suyos estaban muy enojados y sus superiores les castigaron para que aprendiesen. Prepararon un veneno muy poderoso pero no lo suficiente para matarlos, eso no. Ese día los cielos rugieron y la Tierra tembló de ira.

Se creó el portón del Cielo y el portón del Infierno.

El veneno tenía una etiqueta y se llamaba: Soledad.

Pero para ellos, no existía ninguna cura.

----------------------------------------------

.::Change...(Like the seasons)::.

2010-08-14T13:14:00.004-06:00

Change is hard, painful sometimes...

Pero porque no?

Si bien es difícil adaptarse, aceptar que lo necesitas, y es triste dejar algunas cosas atras cuando han sido lo mas importante por un tiempo...

Y si bien te arriesgas a perderlo todo, a arrancar un trozo de tu corazón... pero luego de arar ese espacio destruido y vacío das paso a algo que puede darte una mejor cosecha...en vez de seguir alimentando en vano un campo de algo que nunca florecerá, o cuyo fruto únicamente te envenena y te hace morir lentamente.

Cambiar es difícil, doloroso a veces...

Pero es peor seguir sintiéndote triste y vacío cuando estas rodeado de tantas bendiciones.

Sigue las estaciones...

.::Sky is Falling::.

2010-06-29T18:23:00.000-06:00

Que no quisiera...

Quisiera ser una luz

Quisiera ser la oscuridad

Quisiera ser como el viento y volar donde yo quiera

Quisiera mover las flores a mi paso

Quisiera contagiarte de alegria, pero ni siquiera puedo sonreir

Quisiera bailar para ti, pero mi cuerpo no recuerda el movimiento

Quisiera decirte un poema, pero mi voz se ahoga en las palabras

Quisiera reir contigo, pero mi risa es amarga y me quema

Quisiera curar tus heridas, pero solo parezco profundizarlas

Quisiera vivir como quiero, pero en vez, muero de una forma que odio

Pero sobre todas las cosas...

Quisiera ser la luna, y no sentirme opacada por una estrella

Quisiera caer del cielo, romperme en mil pedazos

y ya no sentir, recordar o pensar...

Pero más quisiera brillar en tu firmamento como luna llena,

vibrante y completa, amante y poeta...

.::Simple::.

2010-06-27T22:35:00.001-06:00

I wanna be "THE GIRL" of someones heart...

.::One thousand and one nights::.

2010-06-27T20:08:00.011-06:00

I walk away from here, pondering which way to go.

The sun is setting early, painting the clouds with its glow as it disappears.

The children next to me are singing the same song for the third time

Unable to remember the words to end it, they repeat the last verse over and over.

Your eyes whispered, "We don't need beginnings or endings."

What kind of memories do I have to search for that will reach deep into my heart?

The days that you said were too long seemed like a dream that lasted just one night.

I can't believe that it is coming to an end, it is too early to wake up.

Don't make the thousand nights disappear. I can't leave here just yet.

I'm merely a silent Sherezade who can't move anyone's heart

No matter how many nights pass, I can't talk about even one love.

I couldn't even get used to warmth. Where did the bedtime stories disappear to?

I wanted to at least remember your gentle words.

Don't make the thousand nights disappear. I stand up to walk a lonely path.

I wanted to at least remember your gentle words,

remember the thousand nights that disappeared in a single night...

-------

.::Forget::.

2010-06-24T22:08:00.003-06:00

I'm so overwhelmed trying to be there all the time, trying to touch your life like no one ever has...that I forgot about the serenity of a moment on my own, the healing powers of inner silence, the peace of locking myself in my little box only for a while, so every touch I get from outside feels more intensely and special...like the feeling I got that day...but I'm afraid entering the box means you'll forget me...

.::Last Quarter::.

2010-06-17T17:37:00.005-06:00

I'm like the moon...

Always in the same place if you know where to look

Changing everyday, not being able to help it.

New moon, closing my eyes, nothing there, just peace and sweet oblivion...

First quarter, the beginning of feeling, trusting, thinking, innocence, believe...

Full moon, happiness and trust, love and life...the way I felt not long ago

Last quarter, deception, hurt, lies, sadness, broken heart...right before the moon dissapears

and everything dissapears...and falls into the sweetness of oblivion...

How the moon wishes for oblivion

To begin her new phases once again...hoping this time the Full Moon lasts longer...until her time to fall from the sky comes

I'm the moon in a sky full of stars,

pure and cold,

always there watching,

craving and feeling,

crying and smiling,

waiting for a sky that searches the moon and not the stars,

a sky to feel at home, like a lover needs a heart...

.::Gravity::.

2010-06-16T17:26:00.005-06:00

Been a long road to follow, been there and gone tomorrow

without saying goodbye to yesterday

Are the memories I hold still valid?

Or have the tears deluded them?

Maybe this time tomorrow the rain will cease to follow

And the mist will fade into one more today

Something, somewhere out there keeps calling

Am I going home?

Will I hear someone singing solace to the silent moon?

...Zero gravity, what's it like?

Am I alone?

Is somebody there beyond these heavy aching feet?

Still the road keeps on telling me to go on

Something is pulling me

I feel the gravity of it all...

~~~~~~~~~~~

Don't cry...everything is the way it's supposed to be...it's ok to be different, it's ok to not receive the same feeling in return...it's the way things are meant to be...stop questioning why and just accept things for what they are...maybe one day everything that's happening now will make sense...for now just let me close my eyes and forget those words stabbing my chest, because they still hurt sometimes, when my mind wanders without my consent around the edge of my memories...

.::Poetry::. (part II)

2010-06-14T20:51:00.002-06:00

I was always looking wrong, forgetting the right

I did always wrong, I made myself fall apart

The one I was, was who that heart held dear

But I got lost and lose my map

The one I was is still inside me

Don't leave me hanging

Just be a little patient

and I'll give you the one I was

~~~~~~~~~~~

please I beg you...don't stop...love me....because I love you...

.::Poetry::.

2010-06-14T10:24:00.005-06:00

Never wrote me poetry like that

Never said sweet reassuring words in my ear

Never called me beautiful

Never said what he liked about me

Never compared me to a fruit

Never recalled our memories together

Never said what he thought when he saw me

Never looked at me like that day again

Never repeated his reasons

Never told me I was just an alternative

Never told me I was just a test for something different

Never told me he was falling

and he never saw me fall...

and I never was what his heart desired...I just had a gap to fill...

'cause that heart was taken, I'm too small to fit...

~~~~~

i can't believe it! i feel so sad, not angry, not anything...just the saddest i've ever felt in my life :(

:·:Forgive:·:

2010-03-15T21:12:00.004-06:00

Hey sweetheart, don't think I forgot about u today, u're in my mind everyday.

I must admit, I felt ok during the day, I walked around as usual, talked to people as usual, smiled like usual and maybe a little more than usual...but I was still aware of the date today.

But suddendly a heartbreaking thought crossed my mind when I remembered all the reasons surrounding what happened...now that I know I could have done more for you if only I didn't listened...I wonder...what were you thinking at the end? Did you think of me? Did you call out my name? You were so alone...I couldn't kiss your head goodnight...Were you scared? Did you cry because you didn't want to go?...That thought breaks my heart even more than the fact that you're not with me anymore

If I didn't do more for you, I wish I could have been there at least, to cast away your fears, to hold you one more time, let you fall asleep in my chest safe and sound like when you were little and my heartbeat was your sweet lullaby...

Could you forgive me? Do you still love me even though I'm the reason you're gone?...I love you and there's no day I don't think of you...can you forgive me?...I loved you so much your memory is still enough to bring a feeling to my heart...please forgive me, I won't listen anymore...do you still think of me?...Please, don't forget me...just forgive me...come tonight and tell me you're ok... I need to hear those words so bad....

:·:Sickening Cycle:·:

2010-03-12T16:35:00.002-06:00

It seems like happiness is one of those non-renewable elements of nature...or something like that.

Isn't it hard to see people feeling sad or things going wrong in their lives when you feel full of joy and can't stop smiling? And how when they experience the most amazing happiness and enjoy every minute of something amazing, you just feel like the most miserable person?

It's like two people can't be happy at the same time, someone has to be sad for someone else to be happy and all the way around. It goes from one person to another, like a sickening cycle.

I wish it could just stop.

:·:The Jester's Mask:·: (2)

2010-01-19T12:38:00.002-06:00

A jester will always wear his mask they say. Because when they try to pull it off, the world becomes too heavy. He can't find his peace of mind, he feels love is just a lie, he thinks maybe he's meant to wear a mask forever, or else, no one will like him anymore. He builds his life behind the mask. He dared to let go of it once, only to have it shoved back in his face by the only one he ever dared to trust. So he's decided "Well, if this mask is what will keep you with me, then I'll wear it forever". He's trying to put it back, but there's so much he needs to hide now, that the mask is too small to cover everything. But somehow, he'll squeeze everything inside, and you will never notice that he hides again from you now...

:·:Don't ask, just feel:·:

2010-01-12T19:36:00.000-06:00

Una noche soñe y no quise despertar.

Estabas tú, estaba el, estaban otros...

una sonrisa, una caricia, una mirada lo decía todo.

Cuando despierto no dicen nada.

Cuando te veo te doy una sonrisa

porque se que estas conmigo sin estar,

porque aunque te extrañe me esperarás

y cuando te vea no tendré que llorar más.

Ese abrazo me calma,

pero con palabras delata su intención,

no es inocente como quiero

busca mi cuerpo pero no mi corazón.

Me salva, me hace sonreír, me hace soñar,

pero yo no soy el sueño que le hace volar.

No hay palabras, no hay personas, ni siquiera un sonido,

solo una fotografía y ese recuerdo que guardo conmigo.

Una sonrisa que me acaricia si estoy llorando,

esas alas puras que ya ha perdido

a quien este amor le habías confiado.

Pero no llores, no estes triste,

mejor cantame por las noches, cuando el sueño no llega,

deja que los demás hagan lo que quieran,

mientras tu me esperes, no me importa esta tierra.

Al final, el corazón siempre muere,

deja de latir en todos,

lo que hay dentro se hace nada.

Pero en la eternidad, tus ojos esperan.

No llores, es un mundo hermoso,

con colores, el amanecer y la caída del sol,

no llores porque me ves llorando,

es tan solo lluvia que cae de mis ojos

para mojar las nuevas flores que crecen en mis labios.

No estes triste, yo no lo estoy,

no estoy vacía, tengo muchas cosas,

un corazón que ama aunque no lo vean,

una inocencia que vive escondida a mis espaldas.

No te sientas culpable, no lo sabias,

ni siquiera yo podría haberlo creido,

pero esa indiferencia no cambiará nada,

tan solo no verá el tesoro que guardo,

no me quedaré sin nada, quedarás tú,

y bailaré bajo la luna con mis hermosos vestidos,

no podrán verme si no lo intentan,

nadie pasará por ese muro, no se tomarán la molestia.

Entonces daré el baile más hermoso de todos,

y me vestiré de princesa,

nadie debe verme, no tienen el derecho,

me quitaré la máscara y desnudaré mi alma

y despertaré en tus brazos,

mi dulce flor de cerezo...

:·:My Dear:·:

2010-01-09T21:26:00.004-06:00

Come now, search for love

on the furthest side of the forest

(real love, my dear, is not for sale)

Even if you couldn't find it

no matter how hard you looked, but...

(real love, my dear, is hard to find)

Listen, even if the world is stained by mistakes

the hand you're holding will never let you go,

that is something you can believe in.

My hand finally reached out your hand and grabbed it,

and happily clutched it tightly

(real faith, my dear, is far too fake)

But it was just a fragile moment,

it soon withered and rotted

(real faith, my dear, is just a dream)

If I could have met you on the day

when the world was reunited with happiness

I swear I wouldn't have shown you all that endless sadness.

Where can it be?

In my heart...

Listen, even if the world is stained by mistakes

the hand you're holding will never let you go.

Even if you think this love is a lie

the light will always rain down on you,

that is something you can believe in....

:·:true friend:·:

2009-12-31T16:43:00.006-06:00

:·:Tree of Memories:·:

2009-12-13T15:58:00.002-06:00

Every night I drive home through the same streets.

Every night I see that tree I like so much.

It brings a very dear memory, that twists my lips into a smile of happiness but also lowers my eyes in sadness.

It also brings the same question all over again.

How should I behave now?

I don't know what to do anymore.

I could flip and twist, I could paint myself in glitter to shine like that beautiful tree...

but I know that won't get the attention I hope for either...

:·:Ocean:·:

2009-11-20T10:19:00.002-06:00

I had brief a dream one night. It was an ocean, a deep blue ocean, I was afraid of swimming in it, 'cause I didn't know how to. Then you came, dove in and told me it was ok, that I could hold onto you, so I dove in too, and swam like that, 'cause as long as we stayed like that, neither would drown.

When I woke up I thought it was only a dream meant to ease my mind from that sleepless night, I just thought how nice that would have been in that exact moment. But after a few minutes it finally hit me. And I was on my way to drowning.

I can't explain what happened, but if I could turn back time, I would have still done it. I don't know what's going to happen, but I already made up my mind. I put myself in a position to be shattered, and this time I might not get up at all, but I don't regret it. In a way, it feels right to be hanging on this breakable thread, at someone else's will, it's scary, but I've been honest. My hands are tied, all I have are hopes and dreams, and five minutes every night to pray. But I'm not giving up, 'cause if I do, I'll give up on me too.

So there's not much I can say right now. Only crazy ideas I hope I can actually do, fear is going away slowly, the only thing I can fear right now, is drowning.

::.Brave Knight.::

2009-10-18T11:50:00.004-06:00

"The battle on an honest heart is a lonely one, but they must not give up their loyalty just to fit among the rest, worthy of them will be only the brave knights who fight against the world for them, and they shall be awarded with their unique love"

That was only a fairytale...used when your heart ached because the world didn't seem to notice how hard you tried, how much you wanted to give honest feelings, because the world is a phantom of the feelings people wished they had for them but refuse to give first. The ghost of selfishness and intolerance, of betrayal and hurt. And those who actually try, are judged for their outside and their differences first.

But the tale may be true, and I kept it in my heart like a child keeps his favorite fairy tale underneath their bed, to read it when they feel scared and when the cruelty of the real world feels to much to handle...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"It's just me against the world, no one else but me, but the world won't defeat me, I'm good, you just can't see it, but one day someone will, and it'll be worth, and I'll have to fight no more, that's what I wish the most"

pretty...

:·:The meaning of it:·:

2009-09-13T20:55:00.004-06:00

"I've tried to say it a thousand different ways. I've tried twisting the words inside out and doubling them back over onto themselves. I've tried coming up with words in different languages, because maybe they have words for this thing that we're missing in this one. I've tried saying the same words over and over again in hopes that this time they'll mean what I want them to mean. I've tried writing it down and spelling it out and stressing each syllable across intercontinental static. I've filled up pages and pages of paper with what I'm trying to say, but never with what I mean to say.

Maybe it annoyed you in the end. Maybe I should just stop."

...not mine, but I would've never come up with such a great attempt of an explanation to my typical "i don't know" or "nothing"

··questions··

2009-09-12T22:22:00.002-06:00

what is happening?

what is wrong?

do you feel something is missing?

what is happening?

what goes through our minds?

what do you think of me? think I am?

what is happening?

why am i still wondering?

why is it that sometimes i don't smile?

is being able to be with other people an ability you learn or something you are born with?

what is happening?

where am i?

where are we?

where is everything going?...

....am i going to update in 3 days? xD...i think not, sorry ¬¬

:.~Flower~.:

2009-09-12T21:09:00.004-06:00

Yes, I just noticed. In the afternoon sun I am still here, sleeping,

wondering why the scenarios in my head aren't going as planned,
but...

Because I can't see you today, I'll just lie in my bed, eyes closed,
and until tomorrow, and the day after that, I'll just watch you in my dreams.

I want to sway with your smile forever,

flowering as strong as the sun.

My heart hurts, it hurts because it's about to break,

if these wishes never come true, at least let me wither away.

I can't even laugh anymore, you say the same words even in my dreams,

Out there, I wonder what the real you is doing.

Clutching a birdcage, in a long, distant yesterday,

I walked around, searching for you.

Even if beautiful winds tempt me away,

I'm still desperately searching for you.

The sky is so blue, it looks like it's about to fall down,

and as I look up, it wraps itself around me.

Like a flower...

Flowers bloom in sunlight, and I live close to you.

I'll send countless seeds onto that hill

and I'll cover it with beautiful flowers just for you.

Please find me, find me quickly, because I'll always be here,

I'm still just waiting to be woken up.

I want to sway with your smile forever,
flowering as strong as the sun.
My heart hurts, it hurts because it's about to break,
if these wishes never come true, at least let me wither away.

~··The jester's mask··~

2009-08-19T07:46:00.005-06:00

I remember how I prayed to God "please let me relearn how to feel"

...and now I hide underneath my covers

and I wish for a single day where I can't feel anything,

like a day-off for the heart,

for a single day at least

I wish I wouldn't feel anything

no joy, no sorrow, no pain,

just wear the mask of a jester with the ease I used to,

maybe that will pull out some of the blisters in my heart,

or at least prevent me from getting more...

But my box is broken

and I can't get back in...

~··Against the world··~

2009-08-18T22:18:00.002-06:00

It's just me against the world

It's just me trying to prove they're wrong about me

But...

How am I planning to convince them

If I cannot convince myself first?

·.·In the mirror·.·

2009-08-18T09:03:00.004-06:00

Can we talk quietly today?

That's why I don't like talking

I always say something to screw me over.

Why?

Why can't I be more like you want me to be?

Why do I have to be so me?

I don't like being me

I hate being me

Because what I am only hurts you

It always has

Even if I say I've changed, it doesn't seem to work

Maybe I do deserve that

I may not be heartless or selfish

But being me should be a sin itself

enough to deserve that poison...

··~To find the words I can't tell~··

2009-08-17T17:26:00.003-06:00

Insecurity makes you possesive over the things you hold onto.
I hate feeling insecure just by looking who I think is better than me, because they're not.
I won't fail where they did, and that should be enough to be worthy.
But you'll never know this. Never know these thoughts, because I will never admit it.
And if I don't admit it, it doesn't exist for us.
I won't wish to be good enough because I am.
I will wish to convince myself I am.

··~Peace of Mind~··

2009-08-16T20:52:00.004-06:00

There are voices that have the power to ease your mind, along with the place you're at, the time, the intention...the perfect mix to a moment of serenity. Not really listening to the words, although you know they have the power to heal you, but the way they are spoken, beckons you almost to a dreamy state, where nothing but the presence and the words matter. Those few minutes of peace state how true those words were...just a single minute like that, in His presence, is more valuable than a whole hour somewhere else...it almost makes you wanna cry, when you're heart is at ease, because you know He won't reject you or stop loving you for your imperfections, you are a master piece in His eyes, when you know He won't compare you to no one else, when you can actually feel that peace of mind...

··Sickness··

2009-08-12T21:43:00.004-06:00

De verdad me sentia maaal xD...vi cosas q normalmente me causarian uugghhh en el estomago con solo verlas y esta vez no le di importancia. Solo pense "ahi esta con su avainillada presencia" y en lugar de sentir nauseas, como pasa normalmente, solo observé y pense "q agradable esta el clima aki...lastima q estoy tan enferma"...xD...me sorprendi, x eso lo escribo antes q se me olvide...como seguramente pasará.

~··Punishment··~

2009-08-11T08:15:00.005-06:00

The worst punishment you can give yourself when you know you did wrong is denying yourself from your right to touch and be touched, to feel warmth and feel loved, because you think you don't deserve it, you've been too bad, the most agonizing death...but you forget...not even the most heartless and selfish human being deserves loneliness...this emptiness doesn't have to go on, don't be afraid to try...I was dying for taking you in my arms, and when I didn't dare to, I threw myself into my grave...

~··Pride··~

2009-08-04T15:03:00.002-06:00

Una de las ventajas de irme enojada o con mi orgullo herido a entreno, es que me importa poco mi bienestar y hago cosas que normalmente me parecen temerarias. Que mal...

[··Behind masks and fairytales··]

2009-04-06T15:30:00.008-06:00

Once upon a time, in a kingdom closer than you think, a little girl was born, with the grace of a flower and wings of a butterfly.

Time went by and the little girl grew up, realizing her surroundings. She had a devoted queen for mother, and the most beautiful and good-hearted princess of the kingdom for elder sister... but despite those virtues they had, they were not entirely happy, people took advantage of their good nature and sometimes made them cry.

And as the little girl grew up she saw there was no room for those virtues in the world she lived in and decided not to follow the same path, to protect the queen and the princess from all those who tried to hurt them, including the king.

So she refused to be the princess she was meant to be...and decided to become a warrior instead.

She cut off her butterfly wings, put them inside a music box and hid it in a far away desert. Then built a shield made of diamond, for all the tears of sorrow and despair on the kingdom turned into diamonds; ice, for all the hurtful words and actions done to others; and fire, for all the anger and violence that dwelled within people's hearts...the shield was so bright and even beautiful that attracted people, but it was so deadly no one tried to pass through and always kept their distance.

So life went by like that.

But deep inside, unknown to all the people, even unknown to the warrior herself, she cried for freedom, and envied some of the other princesses who were so beautiful, so loved and cherished by people. She craved for something she knew she could give others, but no one would give her. She was a warrior after all, and warriors fight for others, they don't need someone else to fight for them. Warriors aren't beautiful, or have to be loved or cherished. They just have to be feared and respected. And she was, but she cried.

But her tears, instead of becoming diamonds like the rest, became delicate blossoms falling from the sky, so pretty and colorful you would never think they were her tears of loneliness...

..............................................................................

Yeah, the story above makes no sense, it's silly and it's incomplete, needs some editing too, but I really didn't know how to go on and I just felt like writing an attempt of fairy tale, a failed attempt at this... And I'm supposed to be an author xD

When I first started writing, I thought it was just for pure fun, just because I had nothing to do with my life and had tons of ideas running through my insane head. It was partly true.

At that moment, I just wrote fantastic stories about brave warriors who fought to protect what they hold dear. Amazing battles for the sake of happiness and victory over evil. Strong characters that held bravery, beauty and pure hearts, always hiding their true virtues behind a mask of something, let it be pride, coldness or even some stupidity. But deep inside all they wanted was to be found by someone, THE one, to love and be loved, to protect and be protected, to need and be needed in return...To just stop being warriors, and become princes/princesses even if they made it look all the way around.

Now that I think of it, that was what I felt deep inside. I just didn't want to acknowledge it, much less let it show. So I hid, behind my own masks and of course behind my stories.

..............................................................................

...But the girl doesn't want to be a warrior anymore.

Because a prince wouldn't want a warrior. He would want a beautiful and delicate princess, right?

The problem is, when you can't even recall being something else, much less something that's supposed to be beautiful. She can't fly on her own, because she cut her wings and hid them where not even she could find them.

The warrior is tired of fighting...now desperately wants to become a princess, but doesn't know how.

All she wants is to be worthy of her prince...

.·.~ Silent Night ~.·.

2008-12-30T22:46:00.003-06:00

Esta noche no cantará para mi...

Esta noche no hay dulces palabras que me arruyen

Solo un simple adios

y un 'te amo' mas frío que una madrugada de invierno.

Es así como es?

Es acaso una herida de mi propia espada?

No más...

No quiero usarla más

Pero es tan dificil soltar el arma ante la inminente amenaza de dolor, de rechazo...

En esta noche, que debió verme dormir serena, mi corazón pesa.

Talvez hubiera sido mejor no regresar...

El tiempo lleva al olvido, no?

Mi recuerdo habría volado con el viento

y estas heridas nunca pasarían.

Pero estoy aquí...

y quiero hacer las cosas bien.

Quiero luchar contra mí misma,

contra mi orgullo sin razón.

Quiero arrancar esta ira

y este imaginario dolor,

un dolor que no me pertenece pero no me deja salir.

Quiero matar a ese demonio en el espejo que se burla de mi,

que me tiene prisionera,

como un ridículo títere para su enferma diversión.

Esta noche no canta para mi...

Esta noche que debio llenarse de una dulce mirada solo observa en silencio.

No habrán sonrisas, pero quizás tampoco lágrimas.

Solo una grieta en un corazón que había olvidado latir,

pero sanará al hacer las cosas bien.

Esta noche trataré de conciliar el sueño

con la esperanza de que la mañana radiante me dará la fuerza.

Entonces admitiré que siempre estuve equivocada,

me olvidaré de lo que conocí una vez

y dejaré mi cuerpo y mi corazón en tus manos...

Rakuen

2008-09-29T20:12:00.004-06:00

Escribo estas líneas sabiendo que nunca van a alcanzarte, además no necesito de ellas puesto que resides en mi mente y mi corazón y es desde ahí que mis pensamientos se convierten en la tinta que inunda el papel con ardiente pasion.

Cuantos cambios de estaciones han pasado desde el último día, quedándose y marchándose a lo lejos, cambiantes como este anhelante corazón, como nieve cayendo en un claro día de primavera, como flores brotando en medio del granizo. Es así lo que da vueltas en mi interior como un carrusel. Simple y contradictorio.

Siempre he sido una persona tranquila, no me gustan los alborotos si no vienen acompañados de risa, y si puedo evitar peleas estúpidas o que se digan palabras que luego dolerán, que así sea. Y así, aunque sea difícil de creer, mi carácter ha crecido, haciéndome más estricta conmigo misma, exigiéndome muchas veces el doble. Pero esta vez incluso yo me he cansado. Me siento agotada y no me refiero sólo a mi cuerpo...me he cansado, porque creo que he olvidado por qué estoy aquí.

Ha habido momentos difíciles, en los que creí haber fracasado en mis sueños, pero siempre pude levantarme y seguir. Ahora ya no tengo ganas. Necesito pensar. Necesito tiempo. Pero estoy en un mundo en el que no se puede detener nada...Si estoy bien o mal, si quiero o no hacerlo importa poco, debo cumplir con mis obligaciones. Pero lo necesito tanto...pasé tanto tiempo actuando por el bien de otros que ahora, aunque ya es tarde, quiero vivir para mi.

Los humanos somos egoístas, preferimos herir antes de que nos hagan daño. Aunque sea a quien más queremos, o más bien, especialmente a quién más queremos. Porque es quien más daño puede hacernos. Es quien tiene el poder de matarnos con sólo un reproche y, antes de aceptarlo, nos enterramos en vida y jugamos a creer que no nos importa, que no duele… que no nos arrepentiremos. Aunque sea una mentira.

Todo es mentira y todo es verdad. Y ya no se que palabras creer, ni que mano tomar, las personas son reales, mas sus intenciones van manchadas de engaño. Blanco viste su obsesión, mas negros son sus corazones. Con palabras que seducen atrapan en una red que destruye la esperanza de escapar. No importaría quedar prisionero si tan solo sus alas no estuvieran manchadas de arrogancia y ambición. Es por eso, como un animal salvaje herido de muerte, que a pesar de las ardientes llagas ataca a quien intente acercarse a ayudarle, por temor a ser lastimado aún más y arrebatarle su libertad. ¿Quién se atreverá a pasar por la venenosa mordida, o las afiladas fauces, sin esperar nada a cambio?

Un simple y pequeño objeto con vida en medio de un aterrante y vasto paraje azul manchado de gris. Una diminuta vida contra las intimidantes e inmóviles masas de tierra, cielo y agua. Una solitaria vida que podría ser tan facilmente arrebatada por el viento helado al cual se agita. Una pequeña llama creando su propia luz y calor en medio de la oscuridad cerrándose a su alrededor, luchando por conservar su existencia, rehusándose a convertirse en parte de la nada. Existencia. Vida. ¿No es acaso lo mismo? El dolor de existir es la dicha de vivir.

Pero la dicha de vivir, es el placer de sentir. Un abrazo de amor, lo he olvidado. Un beso suave, no viene a mi mente. Una caricia delicada pero intensa, no creo poder recordar. Esos nervios y ansiedad de estar enamorado, ahora parecen tan lejanos. Es todo tan vago en la mente, como si nunca estuvo ahí, como si de una ilusión se hubiera tratado, imaginando dedos etéreos dibujando en mi piel, solo desearía poder darles un rostro. Una amnesia de sensaciones. No puedo recordar, pero desearía poder. Quizá es por eso que vivo mi amor a través de la dicha ajena. Como empatía, sintiendo a través de otros, su alegría, su tristeza, su regocijo, su dolor. No me pertenecen, pero las hago tan mías como puedo, solo por sentir.

Pero dime, ¿qué pasa cuando incluso sentir tu propio dolor se olvida? ¿No es eso acaso la muerte? ¿No es eso la nada? Pero si aún se existe, ¿entonces que es? Un alma de esa clase no puede ofrecer nada, ¿porqué siguen buscando algo que no está ahi? No quiero herir, ni lastimar. Solo quiero respirar, que mi cuerpo se queme en una hoguera de alivio, mis ojos bañados en colores, mi alma nadando en un mar de estrellas que pueda llamar mías.

Duermo en la cuna que se mece en el cielo nocturno, protegida por gentiles olas, como si esperara por el sol. Un muro de cristal me rodea dejándome ver un espectáculo de colores, tanto luz brillante como oscuridad hiriente. Solo apoyo mi mano, pero aún no puedo tocar nada, ¿porqué querría tocar algo con estas manos manchadas de culpa y arrepentimiento? Sonrío mientras acaricio el cristal y cierro mis ojos nuevamente...y vuelvo a soñar con ese paraíso que perdimos hace tanto tiempo ante nosotros mismos. Probablemente llegará el día en que podré encontrar afuera alguno de mis sueños, algún fragmento de ese anhelado paraíso, entonces romperé este cristal y regresaré.

Mientras tanto, me encontraré muchas noches más como esta, pretendiendo que hablo contigo, sin prisas por regresar, pues nadie espera por mi. Seguro pintaras de colores esta habitación con el paso de las estaciones, dejarás una flor en primavera, una hoja en el otoño, un copo de nieve en el invierno y un rayo de luz en el verano. Pintaré de estrellas este cristal, plantaré semillas en las nubes y las veré florecer al cerrar mis ojos. Lavarás mis manos en un arroyo de perdón y ternura, y yo no flaquearé y mantendre esta llama encendida, para alumbrar tus noches en vela, para encontrar eventualmente mi camino al paraíso.

'...It's all right if it's foolish,

keep searching for traces of our dreams,

Good-bye days of blue...

The shinning sky was dressed in innocence,

yet it knew everything...

we've aimed for Shangri-La

without suppressing our desires,

we keep searching for freedom covered in fantasies...

now we can say this is the paradise we searched for,

Good-bye days of blue...'